Check Please - Bed Party (100/10)

Me in grade 9 cozey'n up for an epic Bed Bender,
man did I loved that turtle neck sweater


I just had the best weekend ever, and even though I stayed in by myself the whole time I still managed to party my ass off. How is that possible you ask? Well maybe you haven't heard about, bed parties, the most exclusive party in the world. The only person on the guestlist is you (though sometimes you can sneak a pretty lady in when the bouncer isn't looking). It's the new fad that's sweeping the nation. If you don't know what a bed party is, don't fret Check Please has got you covered (get it? Huh? Huh?)

Bed parties and zombie attacks, same rules apply

Where:
Your bed, your room. All blinds most be pulled, lights off, phone off (or just smash it) and doors locked. A bed party can't begin until the entire room is completed disconnected from the outside world. Nothing ruins a good BP like some non-VIP trying to get in.  Especially the sun, he's so banned his picture is on the front entrance and under it it reads, banned for party poopery, and tv glare.
What:
To host a successful bed party one must constantly attended to the guest, you. It's all about pre-planning, kind of like how a bear probably thinks before he gets into his cave for the whole winter. The follwing are the bare nessecities (get it? Huh? Huh?) of what you're expected to bring to a bed party, if you skimp expect to be judged by your host, you and the rest of the guests, you, you and you. Don't let yourself down it's not a bed party without these things.


Food:
You must make sure you have a complete gradient of snacks because you don't want to get up in the middle of the party to get something you didn't think you'd crave. Here are your catorgories, salty, savoury, sweet, sour and cheesy. You see all of our tounges have a section which tastes each of these things, the tip is salty, then savoury, and then it goes back from there, if you don't believe me that cheesy is the last flavour at the very back of your throat go get nachos after the bar with a bunch hungry girls. If you don't have the budget, get creative with combinations like this, Clown Salad (3 flavs) , Ben and Jerry's "If I had a million flavours" (million flavours), Micro-trischos (2 flavs).

Drinks:
You're going to get thirsty after all that popcorn and nachos, so make sure you have a solid collection of drinks, all at one degree above freezing this can be accomplished by having one large glass dedicated exclusively for ice cubes, or if you really want to party, bring a cooler.
Dress Code:
Think comfort, and remember your blankets will be part of your attire so keep the clothes to a minimum, boxers, sleevless t-shirt. Avoid sweat pants you don't want to put yourself at risk of overheating. At times you may have to pee because of all those drinks, keep an over-coat and slippers by your bed so you can make a smooth transition without too much heat loss. Or just wrap up in blankets and do the cinnabun shuffle. Also this party isn't for dirty skids, it’s a classy event so make sure you shower before you even enter your room.

Laptop:
This is like the music of normal parties, you can't have a bed party without one. I guess you could have a TV in your room, but the problem there is you'll have to sit up evertime you want to put in another DVD, and using a remote can be exhuasting, with a laptop all you need to do is poke out one finger from under the covers to control the little finger pad, minimal exposure and you don't have to lift your arm.

Boxsets and DVDs:
Boxsets are the best way to experience the ultimate bed party, if you hit the "Play All" button on each disc, you only need to move once every 3 hours or so. And don't underestimate yourself, always have the next season if it's available, you never want to be caught at 4:00am calling your buddy who always has DVDs asking to meet him at a variety store down the street, or worse than that, your buddys buddy, who you barely know and will probably try and watch the DVDs with you. As far as movies go, you can apply the snack rule, think varaity, Action, Comedy, Romantic Comedy, Romance, Drama, Documentary. Fuck horror, you don’t want to risk getting scared and having to invite some one over to your party to keep you company after you start getting scared you're going to hear "7 Days" through your phone, even though you turned it off, ahhh I'm scared now.


Let's see you call me now scary Ring guy

When:
Whenever you want, though it can't be an official bed party without at least four hours of entertainment invovled, so clear your schedule. Entertainment includes but is not exclusive to the following: TV box sets, movies, porn, music, blogs, online videos, making a fort, re-enacting conversations you had earlier in the day but saying what you wish you had thought of saying at the time. "Well you better give me back my lunch bag or all you'll be eating is a knuckle sandwich...yeah that's what I should have said"


How:
Enter every Bed Party as if you'll never make it out, be prepared to doze off eventually, so have a shower, brush your teeth, take out your contacts, call your grilfriend/boyfriend and tell them good night, and make it clear you going to sleep, so they won't call you again until the next day, even if it is 4pm. And don't forget to lock your door, you don't want any unexpected guests showing up to crash the party.

Why:
Um… I really hope you don't need me to ask that question.  If you do, get the fuck out of here, I thought you were cool man, go to the bar, drink beer and hit on chicks with your friends you nerd.

I guess that's about it, see you later I gotta go my buddy Blanket, LT and Clowny just called me
I gotta jump into the shower, don't call me.

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